Leading is Listening
I've been planning for a while to do a mastermind on Leadership. It was tentatively planned for
this month, but the Intersection event that would lead up to the mastermind was postponed, and
my new teaching role in Bible Study Fellowship began, so "Qualified" (the name of the
Mastermind) is still on a back burner cookin' in my brain. It's coming, in the not too distant
future, Lord willing, and you can get information about it as it becomes available at
talkandpray.us/qualified. The link will be in the show notes, and getting on the waiting list
doesn't obligate you in any way.
Like His Power at Work which we did at the beginning of this year, Qualified will start with a
free component which will likely focus on Purpose, defining and articulating your purpose and
how God can use you in His unique arena for you. If you wanna go deeper, that will be
available as well. So get signed up at talkandpray.us/qualified.
In Qualified, I want to look at the descriptors the Apostle Paul uses in Colossians 1:9-14: filled,
worthy, fruitful, growing, strong, joyful, and thankful. There's room in those categories for lots
of exploration, and I believe God calls all of us to leadership...what differs from person to
person is the arena in which He wants you to lead. It might be business, ministry, charity, or
parenting, mentoring, or teaching... or even the most basic for us as followers of Jesus: We hope
to lead other people to know Him, right?
John Maxwell defines leadership as "influence." For good or for ill, we all have a sphere of
influence over which we can lead. We think of leadership as this active thing-and it is, in the
sense of being proactive, of building consensus, articulating vision, and being willing to dig
deep in the trenches with the people you lead. You can't lead without labor (which we'll
explore next week).
But leadership, at least good leadership, also includes what we might think of as more passive
attributes like humility, teachability, and thoughtfulness, and activities like thinking and
listening. In his book, The Road Less Stupid, Keith J. Cunningham talks about the role of
thinking... a designated time and place when you can regularly sit and ideate and problem-solve.
This practice, he says, helps you eliminate the costly "dumb tax" associated with mistakes.
I love the thinking process. Assimilating ideas, shuffling them to look at them from different
vantage points, reading or listening to books and adding new knowledge to my tool kit ... these
are things I love. And because I love to share what I'm learning and thinking (it's what a family
member mockingly refers to my "teaching spirit"), my talking can get in the way of my really
listening with head and heart to the people I lead.
Theologian David Augsburger says, "Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average
person they are almost indistinguishable." I can remember walking through a local Dollar
General with my mom. She had such a compassionate spirit, people were drawn to her and rank
strangers would spill their life story to her. She was a master listener. She was the oldest of
eight children, and as the firstborn daughter, all her siblings came to her to be heard. She led her
family by listening well.
Active listening is a skill that can be developed. Some examples of active listening include
being an empathetic listener: someone who relates to what the speaker is saying and seeking to
understand their point of view. Or a critical listener-not a criticizing listener-but one that
employs critical thinking skills to help someone problem solve. And active listening also
involves watching for nonverbal communication, enable the listener to read between the lines,
and often get to deeper communication.
Jesus was the perfect balance between listening and speaking. The Gospel of Mark records a
day in His life in chapter 1; we see four different episodes where He displayed different
principles of listening in each one.
First, check out what happens when Jesus is interrupted (reading from the New Living
Translation).
21 Jesus and his companions went to the town of Capernaum. When the Sabbath day came, he
went into the synagogue and began to teach. 22 The people were amazed at his teaching, for he
taught with real authority-quite unlike the teachers of religious law. 23 Suddenly, a man in the
synagogue who was possessed by an evil[a] spirit cried out, 24 "Why are you interfering with us,
Jesus of Nazareth? Have you come to destroy us? I know who you are-the Holy One of God!"
25 But Jesus reprimanded him. "Be quiet! Come out of the man," he ordered. 26 At that, the evil
spirit screamed, threw the man into a convulsion, and then came out of him. 27 Amazement
gripped the audience, and they began to discuss what had happened. "What sort of new teaching
is this?" they asked excitedly. "It has such authority! Even evil spirits obey his orders!" 28 The
news about Jesus spread quickly throughout the entire region of Galilee.
I love how Jesus handled the interruption. He's in the middle of teaching, and when the demon-
possessed man interrupts Him, notice Jesus's response. He doesn't belittle the person; He
doesn't rail about His precious time and how inconsiderate it is to be interrupted. Instead, He
goes to the heart of what is troubling the man, and without being angry. His listening is
empathetic and critical for the man; Jesus cares and solves the problem! To the demon, He was
stern and absolutely clear, demonstrating radical candor. And look at the result! Not only was
He obeyed, but His influence expanded throughout the entire region.
Then Jesus leaves the synagogue. Mark 1: 29-34
29 After Jesus left the synagogue with James and John, they went to Simon and Andrew's
home. 30 Now Simon's mother-in-law was sick in bed with a high fever. They told Jesus about
her right away. 31 So he went to her bedside, took her by the hand, and helped her sit up. Then
the fever left her, and she prepared a meal for them. 32 That evening after sunset, many sick and
demon-possessed people were brought to Jesus. 33 The whole town gathered at the door to
watch. 34 So Jesus healed many people who were sick with various diseases, and he cast out
many demons.
Again, we see Jesus employing the combination of empathy and problem solving. He was not
only hearing-as in in one ear and out the other! - but actively listening, and as a result, his
leadership expanded.
Later Jesus encounters a man with leprosy in verses 40-41 of Mark 1:
40 A man with leprosy came and knelt in front of Jesus, begging to be healed. "If you are
willing, you can heal me and make me clean," he said. 41 Moved with compassion,[a] Jesus
reached out and touched him. "I am willing," he said. "Be healed!"
Jesus was effective as a leader because He took the time to listen well. The people He
ministered to felt valued and heard. In contrast, when He dealt with the hypocrital religious
leaders, he heard more than they wanted! He cut to the heart of their questions and criticisms to
their motives. Even with them, he listened. In Mark 2, Jesus heals a paralyzed man-this is the
guy whose friends dropped him into the house from the roof! -and Scripture says,
6 But some of the teachers of religious law who were sitting there thought to
themselves, 7 "What is he saying? This is blasphemy! Only God can forgive sins!"
I think Jesus was reading their mail-I'm sure what they were thinking was all over their faces
and in their body language... crossed arms, frowns, rolled eyes. Scripture doesn't tell it, but I
can see it, can't you?
8 Jesus knew immediately what they were thinking, so he asked them, "Why do you question
this in your hearts? 9 Is it easier to say to the paralyzed man 'Your sins are forgiven,' or 'Stand
up, pick up your mat, and walk'? 10 So I will prove to you that the Son of Man[a] has the
authority on earth to forgive sins." Then Jesus turned to the paralyzed man and said, 11 "Stand
up, pick up your mat, and go home!" 12 And the man jumped up, grabbed his mat, and walked
out through the stunned onlookers. They were all amazed and praised God, exclaiming, "We've
never seen anything like this before!"
Whether healing someone or in confrontations, Jesus took the time to listen first. James wrote
this to believers:
19 Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak,
and slow to get angry. (James 1:19)
Proverbs, too, has wisdom to offer about listening:
Proverbs 19:20 Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the
future.
Proverbs 18:13 If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.
Proverbs 2:2 Make your ear attentive to wisdom and incline your heart to understanding;
Listening well is a skill I'm trying to develop. Here are some questions I ask myself as I
encounter people:
1. Is it more important to me to be heard or to hear?
2. What filters am I employing as I listen? How do I adjust my ears to receive without my
personal bias?
3. Am I listening to respond/defend/escalate or to reason/discern /elevate?
4. Am I formulating my response while the other person is talking?
5. Does the one speaking need empathy? A problem solved? Not everyone who needs to
talk needs a solution to their problem. Sometimes just being heard, or allowing someone
to verbally process, is enough.
When strangers would talk to Mom in the Dollar General, she was kind, offered a gentle word,
and the stranger walked away feeling seen and heard. In these moments, I could see Jesus in
her, actively listening with empathy and love.
How are your ears? Are you improving your leadership by listening well? Start by asking
someone how their day is going, and really listen to what they say. You'll find that as you listen
well, your influence will grow, and your leadership will be stronger.
Father,
As I read through Scripture, I am amazed at the amount of time Jesus spent just listening to
people. He demonstrated his love, concern, and care for them when they were most vulnerable.
Just like He heard me when I realized I needed a savior, that I was separated from You and lost
in my sin. Jesus heard my prayer and responded with His loving kindness. Thank you so much
for hearing us! Thank you so much for Jesus's example of leadership.
I pray, Father, for the kind of love for people that makes it easy to listen to them. Lord, as the
old saying goes, You gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason. Help us be quick to listen,
slow to speak. To be listening to You before we respond with either empathy, solutions, or
correction. Help us lead like Jesus, from the heart and with a listening ear.
In His name we pray, Amen
