Refine, Refine, Refine
I was at a networking event of a local business group this past week and, thankfully, I had been
given a heads-up that I'd be doing an introduction of myself and my business. It's commonly
known as your 30-second elevator speech... You know the one. It's the scintillating,
charismatic, powerful spiel you lay on people when they ask you the paralyzing question, "So
what is it that you do?" or "Tell me about yourself." Like, what do you wanna know, man?
Where do I start?
Bugs Bunny took us back to two tiny amoeba (I'll link it in the show notes! It's fascinating!).
But, I don't think you want me to go back that far. I had a pastor friend who sometimes assured
people, "I don't drink; I don't chew; I don't run with women who do!" Probably a less
intimidating answer for him than "I'm a pastor" at which people wander away, deer-in-
headlights expressions, and you know they are interrogating themselves about the cusswords or
drunken antics they mighta talked about in his presence.
So, I get a little paranoid about my elevator speech. How much is too much, how much is too
little? Will it be memorable? At what point will people zone out? I miiiight be overthinking it
just a little. I know what I do, but how do I talk about what I do...? It's kinda like the
relationship status option on Facebook. You wanna say, "It's complicated" but you know
people will make all kinds of assumptions with that answer.
It was easier when I was in sales. "Oh, I'm a Sales Director for XYZ Company!" The company
was well known, and people would nod and either respond with "Oh, yeah, I need to get me
some of that," or "Gee, I tried that years ago, but I'm allergic." Sure you are, buddy. Sure you
are. I see you. Like, don't even. You don't have to head me off at the pass. No is a complete
sentence, but at least wait 'til I ask you, right? We're grown-ups.
Double whammy for me as a faith-based personal development coach and course and content
creator... not only do I need to communicate well, but some semblance of eloquence would be
nice. Words are my thing, or they're supposed to be. So how will it look if I flub it up on a 30-
second spot for something as basic as "So what is it that you do?!" So, I worked on my blurb
the evening before, refining, capturing phrases I like, refining again, and I finished refining it
just minutes before the event began with hopes it would be good enough.
We forget about the power of refinement, don't we? Why is OK to get a do-over when you are
10 years old, but we don't give ourselves grace any time after that? Perhaps it's because we've
been programmed to believe that you "never get a 2nd chance to make a 1st impression." I get it,
I really do. Doing it right the first time is the best way to go. But there's something of scarcity
mentality in the proverb. Something that rings transactional and not relational. I can't even
count the times I've been favorably impressed with someone on first meeting and later found
out they were not all they seemed to be. Or vice versa...someone who seemed ho-hum on first
acquaintance turned out to be a spectacular addition to my friends list and network.
One of the "warm-up" questions for our spiel at the networking event was "What is your
favorite TV show?" You've heard me reference Leroy Jethro Gibbs enough to know I love
NCIS and Criminal Minds and CSI, all the crime procedurals. As I stream some of the old
shows, I notice, they don't get the right answers right away. It's a process of examination and
elimination and confirmation. Refine, refine, refine. No one expects them to have instant
success right out of the gate. Well, the mayor or director or chief inspector wants instant
perfection, but we know he or she just represents the system and the MAAAN... so it's cool.
They have to wait while our fearless detectives take time and bring in the additional evidence
and draw out the drama until the big reveal.
Isn't life and business the same way? None of us come out of the womb ready to take on the
world, establish peace in the nations, cure poverty and hunger, and solve crime. Our process is
growth... physical, mental, emotional, intellectual, spiritual. Even Jesus had to grow! Luke 2:52
says "Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man." Just like us-and
on purpose, Hebrews tells us, so that He can "empathize with our weaknesses" (Hebrews
4:15)-Jesus had to go through the process, constantly being refined.
What? Even the Savior of the world, refined? The whole of the human experience... tempted as
us, suffering rejection, being misunderstood and taken advantage of, without even a place to lay
his head (Matthew tells us), Jesus experienced these things. And when the time came, he
prayed, "Not my will, but Thine." (Luke 22:42)
So, what does our refinement look like? Back in the day, we women would be sent to "finishing
school" and there are still finishing schools out there for both women and men to refine their
skills in building relationships, communication, self-confidence, image and the connections of
ideas and people. Some research suggests that these "soft skills" -as opposed to the hard skills
of science, technology, engineering, and mathematics-are more profitable in business.
I remember telling my son the same thing when he complained he wasn't "academic" like his
sister. "Sam," I said, "yes, you have to work harder than Emily to make good grades, but you
have work ethic and people skills. Those will take you just as far as academics!"
By God's grace our refinement doesn't always include all the suffering Jesus endured. If we are
wise, we learn from the experiences of others, and it's a much more comfortable way to learn
than the school of Hard Knocks. But for some of us the hard way is the only way. Failure is a
great teacher; we often learn more from the trials than we do from the triumphs. And that
perspective-instead of one-step forward, two steps back, which is how we usually look at it we
treat each step backward as two-steps forward because of the refinement it brings to us-give us
the endurance and better skill sets to continue toward success.
The psalmist wrote, "Test me, LORD, and try, me, examine my heart and my mind," (Psalm
26:2) and the Lord said through Isaiah, "I will thoroughly purge away your dross and remove
all your impurities." (Isaiah 1:25b) Other scriptures refer to refinement with the analogy of
purifying silver and gold. You gotta go into the fire! And Malachi 3:3 wrote, "And he shall sit
as a refiner and purifier of silver."
The story goes that a lady visited a silversmith and watched him at work. She watched him hold
a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, you must
hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames are hottest to burn away all the
impurities. Thinking of the verse from Malachi, she asked the silversmith if it was true that he
had to sit there in front of the fire and always watch the process.
The silversmith answered that not only did he have to sit there holding the silver, but he had to
keep his eyes on it the entire time it was tested in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too
long in the flames, it would be destroyed. It has to stay in the fire long enough to serve the
purpose, but not too long as it would destroy it. The lady was silent for a moment. Then asked
the silversmith, "How do you know when silver is fully refined?" He smiled and answered,
"Oh, that's easy - when I see my image in it."
That's God's process as well. He refines us to make us more like Jesus. I'd like to think that
God has difficulty telling me and Jesus apart because I look so much like Him. That's the goal,
anyway. Paul articulated it this way, "And we all, who with unveiled faces reflect the Lord's
glory, are being transformed into his image with every-increasing glory, which comes from the
Lord, who is the Spirit." 2 Corinthians 3:18. From glory to glory with every increasing glory.
Refine, refine, refine.
How are you being refined? Are you going through a season of hardship? Are your feet, your
hands, your head in the fire? Be confident that the supreme silversmith, the Father who gave
His only son for your ultimate redemption and refinement, is with you, holding you through the
smelting process, cleansing you of impurities that hinder you from becoming who He has
created you to be. Make the most of the season of fire.
Or is this a season where you can make adjustments based on the lessons of people who've
gone before you, lessons from scripture, lessons taught in the still quiet moments when you sit
at the feet of the Teacher and hear His voice? Listen well. He has so much to say, and if you
hear Him well, you'll be ready in or out of the fire to whisper, "Not my will, but thine."
Here's what I know for sure. Refining has made me better today that I was yesterday. Growth,
personal development, leaning into the identity God created for me, times of chaos and times of
calm, He is with me, and I look more like him today than I did yesterday. That is true success.
Refine, refine, refine.
My refined elevator speech? You'll have to tell me if it needs a little somthin' somethin'. Here
goes:
If you want to change your life, your business, your relationships, start with Who. I'm
Mary Lou Casada with Talk & Pray for Life & Business. I am a faith-based personal
development coach and content creator.
I help you take the goals, ideas, and dreams that are in your head, or scribbled on scraps
of paper, or talked about in late night conversations with God, yourself, and others, and
bring them into the real world.
A pretty good start to describing what I do. In fewer words, I am a refiner-little r-refiner,
guiding you as you are being refined into who God has created you to be and what you've been
personally selected by God to do. We are both being refined by the Supreme Silversmith, Our
Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, so that we can reflect His image. Glory to glory, with ever
increasing glory. What a privilege, what a joy! What a wonderful life and business!
Let's pray....
Father,
Thank you for being with me, always, through chaos and calm, frenzy and fortune, the good,
the bad, and the ugly. You are there! Like the psalmist, I ask You to hold me to the light and
expose impurities so that I can be a fit vessel for Your service. It's scary to pray that, Lord!!
Too often I try to hide from You, as if You can't see me in all my rawness and imperfection.
Thank You that Your love covers a multitude of faults. Thank You that YOU are in charge of
my refinement. Help me seek you in the fire, to remember to ask You what You are showing
me, teaching me, refining IN me and to lean into Your grace and Your presence. And help m
not forget You in times of rest and peace. Thank You for do-overs, and second chances, and
grace that is greater than all my sin! I am Yours. In Jesus' name, Amen.
